Soon, my pretties, soon...

No, we haven't etched since October.  Get over it—the regular stream of badness will restart on Jan. 2, 2015.

...he said hopefully...

Damn techno-hippies!

Brett and John's idea for a "Dionysus/Apollo" theme camp would have been a huge hit at Alchemy, but then Incendia showed up.

Get offa me!

Lineup for the homecoming parade was thrown into disarray when it developed that the mascots had not been fed that day.

Dangit.

 
Otis could never get the hang of landing on tree branches.

Pew! Pew!

 
The early designs of Space Invaders proved difficult to render with 8-bit technology.

Whoa, dude!

Simon loved slipping acid into his cat's Friskies.

One day at the circus...

Jeez, thought Mary the Elephant, when is he going to get it that he's too old to still be doing this shit?

A sheltered life

Arnolfo completely misunderstood the invitation to the hookers and blow party.

One day on the way to market...

"That's a pretty good one, pal," enthused little Timmy.  "Squeeze harder next time, and I bet Mother will change her mind about selling you."

It is good to be the king

Through a mistaken reading of the oracle, Fredonia was now ruled by an Effulgent Hedgehog.

GULA GULA

Resigned to the fact that the villagers fled in horror at the very sight of him, Guillaume found solace with his friends, the meadowlark and Stubby the Peahen.

Never challenge a stork

"And they said it couldn't be done—ha!" thought Oswald with not a little self-satisfaction.

Non disputandum

The reviews of the Mockingjay trilogy were in.

Bad parenting

Archibald prayed it was not too late—why, oh why, had he put the aquarium next to the Coleman stove?

Post graduate studies

"Now, who can tell me how to remove the Nubian Asp from the penis of a servant?  Yes, Sylvester?  No, we may not assume it was therapeutic to apply it."

What, and quit show biz?

He should have listened to his old acting teacher's advice, Robert ruminated ruefully: never to appear on stage with dogs or children.

All wibbly-wobbly

This was not the first time the Time Lord had gotten stuck in a pelvis.

Meanwhile, behind the abbey

Father Guillermo knew that one day his taste for rough trade would be his undoing, but he just couldn't help himself.

Maybe it was the bad acid

"Well, here's a fine howdy-do," mused Calypso as she began to lose feeling in her fingers.

Doggy style

The puppies were hungry for their milk again.  Thomasina lit the fire to keep herself warm.

Meanwhile, inside Ambrose's head...

"All right, I have the chain, I killed my pet deer, and I've shaved all my body hair.  Tell me what to do next," Ambrose asked his three imaginary friends.

Meanwhile, on vacation...

Johann began to think that this sweat lodge experience was going to be more than he had bargained for. At the very least, he hoped, it would help with his body hair issues.

A slight tickling, at first

Gröthius was really enjoying his first skinny-dip... until the nibbling began.

Apologies

I've been swamped with a project all week, and so thus no Bad Etchings.  I promised to do better, he lied.

One day in Yorkshire...

Sir William Garthwaite was so odious a landlord that even the wolves and sheep teamed up to chase him down and ravage him.

It's the little things that give us away

With her plot to kill him already teetering out of control, Queen Bathilde tried to get the King to take his seat, although she knew that everyone was already aware of the elephant in the room.

Just get in the car

Archimedes reflected that the worst part of the custodial handoff for the weekend was having to deal once again with the craziness of his ex-wife, as he explained for the umpteenth time that he was not going to use the compass and the square for discipline.

Them's good eatin'

Aloysius wasn't sure what it was, but he knew he sure wanted a drumstick.

One day in the Æther

"So I says to him, Zephyrus Schmephyrus, you'd better be good at something other than blowing."

Meanwhile, at Comic-Con

"OK, guys... oh, wow, what was in that drink?... Guys, what was that safe word thing again?  Guys?  Hey, wait, that doesn't feel... ohhhh... I think I'm... ahhhh... "

Once upon a time...

Many people do not know this, but before the Seven Dwarfs met Snow White, there was Diggory.

Hi ho, the glamorous life

"Master of the King's Bedpan" turned out not to be as honorific as Llewellyn had been led to believe.

A woman scorned

True to her word, Lavinia had her revenge on the son of bitch who knocked her up.

One day in the garden

"Hey, no, I'm pretty sure those are the ones that are safe to lick.  Go on, you go first!"

Meanwhile, on the Silk Road...

"So then I says to him... I says... get this... I says to him, 'That's not my finger either, laddie!'"

LOL whut?

When asked about his Burning Man experience, Clint could only reply, "Whoa, dude..."

Meanwhile, in Bavaria

"Woo-wee!" cried Raphael, as he raced to join in the fun.

Truer words...

After a while, Betty began to wonder what was in those shortbreads Marjorie shared with her, because her neighbor seemed more attractive than she had ever known her to be before.

Meanwhile, in Bavaria

As she posed for her official portrait, Queen Philippa thought once again that although he was part of her husband's family crest, the sloth was just damned creepy.

Late one night...

Once the 'shrooms kicked in, Camilla found that pointing the kaleidoscope at Sebastian's aura was fucking amazing.

Yeah, baby...

This was going way better than Sebastian had hoped when he suggested it.

Meanwhile, out in the galaxy

"For the last time, Groot, stop being such a baby and get in the water!!"

Tough choices

Times were so hard, that all Bartholomew had left was his pet tapeworm Ignacius.

The classics never go out of style

To Thomas and his frat brothers, pulling the old "flaming pile of dogshit" gag on their fool never got old.

Hey, girl...

Camilla did not realize until the next morning that she'd been roofied.

A heart of gold

Little known fact: in his off hours, the Dreadful Flying  Glove found that taking long walks and communing with Nature helped relax him.

(Let's see who gets both references.)

Hello, sailor!

It was in fact Giachomo's ability to turn his head 180° that caused his friend Francisco to proposition him in such a lewd manner.

Meanwhile, on vacation...

"Where... is... the restroom?"

"I don't think he speaks English, Carl."

No caption required

Yes, we know...

Once Jobie won the drag contest, there was no living with him.

Bad habits

At the height of his addiction, François was going through twenty pipettes a day.

Little known facts

Despite what would seem to be his obvious advantages, Janus was often lost.